Attachment Styles

The type of attachment you began to develop as a child impacts your relationship today. The good news is, by understanding it, you can become healthier and more secure in your relationship.

Every week I work with couples as they try to navigate through difficulties that arise in their relationship. This work has challenges as every couple has a unique story and background. However, working through challenges often brings about a beautiful connection that I get to make with these individuals as they work to improve their relationship. My desire to work with couples has been with me for as long as I can remember. I have always been interested in relationships, what makes them tick and what causes them to break down.

Romantic relationships are an extension of our innate desire to be close to someone, to be attached to and bonded with them. From the day we are born we are wired to bond and attach to our caregivers. This attachment morphs into one of three attachment styles (secure, avoidant and anxious/ambivalent), as described in Attachment Theory. This theory formerly asserted that we grow out of our attachment needs and styles, however that belief is no longer validated. It is now understood that whatever our attachment style is as a child is usually the style we bring into our relationships. Unpacking this and working on understanding our desire to be connected and close to our partner goes a long way in understanding why we can become so distraught when that bond/attachment is threatened, through an argument or conflict for example. We are essentially fighting for our partners to be close to us. (This is also the basis of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy)

By understanding our attachment styles we can change our style as an adult to become healthier and more secure. The beauty in therapy is that knowledge paves a way for change and change occurs when there is a significant desire for improvement.

-Amy