How To Maximize Your Child’s Athletic Confidence

As both a psychologist and a parent, I get a unique perspective on how young athletes develop—and the critical role parents play in that journey. I also coach one of my child’s sports teams, which allows me to see firsthand the impact of parental involvement on their athletic growth. I see how many parents desire to maximize their child’s athletic confidence.

I absolutely love watching players join a team, gain confidence, and develop not just their athletic skills, but also their interpersonal abilities, teamwork, and mindset. As a coach, it’s far more important to me that players grow as people than simply focus on their performance in the sport. The lessons they learn—perseverance, grit, teamwork, and resilience—are often far more valuable than any medal or trophy they could win. These lessons shape young athletes for life.

But what role do parents play in their child’s athletic confidence? I came across an insightful article in Psychology Today that offers a lot of food for thought for any parent of a young athlete.

The Science of Building Athletic Confidence in Youth Athletes

The author, a performance psychologist who works with athletes from youth leagues to the NBA, highlights a fascinating pattern: the most confident athletes often aren’t those who received the most praise or won the most games early on. Instead, their confidence is built on specific environmental factors that parents can actively nurture.

The article references Deci and Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory, which emphasizes that athletic confidence rooted in internal motivation endures far longer than confidence based on external validation (Deci & Ryan, 2000).

Wait a minute… isn’t our job as parents to motivate our kids, to celebrate their victories, and to cheer them on when they win games, banners, and awards? Well, not exactly!

The article provides evidence-based principles to help guide our behaviour as parents, but it also includes a crucial warning: “While these principles are well-supported by research, implementing them often requires parents to act counter to common instincts.” This is a powerful reminder that we may need to shift our mindset to better support our kids’ long-term development.

I won’t spoil all of the key messages of the article—you’ll need to read it to fully appreciate the insights it offers. However, I’d like to share five key principles to your maximize your child’s athletic confidence and self-belief:

1. Monitor the Challenge Level of Practices and Games

Ensure that your child’s experiences—whether in practice or games—are appropriately challenging. Too little challenge can breed boredom, while too much can lead to frustration. The right balance helps foster growth and confidence.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions About Their Sports Experience

Rather than asking, “Did you win?” or “Did you score?” try asking questions like, “What did you learn today?” or “What was the most challenging part of practice?” This encourages your child to reflect on the process, not just the outcome.

3. Provide Specific, Process-Focused Feedback

Instead of just praising the results (“Great job!”), focus on the effort and the process (“I noticed how hard you worked on your footwork during practice!”). This helps reinforce growth and effort over mere success.

4. Model a Growth Mindset in Your Own Life

Children learn much by watching. By embracing challenges and setbacks in your own life, you model the value of persistence, learning, and resilience. Show them that growth is a continuous process, both in sport and in life.

5. Celebrate Effort and Learning, Not Just Outcomes

It’s tempting to celebrate victories, but it’s equally important to celebrate the effort and progress along the way. Recognize moments where your child put in hard work, learned something new, or persevered through a challenge.

Are you ready to take on this challenge as a parent? By shifting our focus from external achievements to internal growth, we can help our children build lasting confidence that will serve them well, both on and off the field.

Amy Wiens, psychologist, is the founder and Principal of Crossroads Counselling & Psychological Services. She holds an Honours degree in Psychology from Saint Mary’s University and a Master’s degree in Counselling Psychology with a focus in Marriage and Family Therapy from Trinity Western University. With her educational background and passion for helping individuals, couples, and families live more congruent, authentic, and meaningful lives, Amy is dedicated to supporting clients in navigating their personal challenges.