Disenfranchised Grief – When People Just Don’t Get It 

A guest insight from Crossroads Associate Therapist, Mallory Wilson.

Have you ever experienced a loss but felt like people around you just didn’t get it. Perhaps you felt like they discounted the loss or how impactful it should be in your life? When we lose a pet, an embryo/pregnancy, are grieving someone who hasn’t yet passed, the grief we feel is real and significant. Sometimes others have a hard time relating.

The term ‘disenfranchised grief’ was coined by Dr. Kenneth J. Doka in 1989. It describes the idea that a person’s grief may not fit into society’s attitudes or norms. A person’s loss may unfortunately not be viewed as significant, or people may be made to feel that they do not have a ‘right’ to grieve. Disenfranchised grief can present in individuals feeling they need to ‘get over’ their loss, encouraged to stay strong or to show certain emotions over others. Dawid P Mouton (2024) emphasizes how grief-denying practices or ignoring the existence / impact of grief may influence a person’s ability to regain a balanced lifestyle.   

When you are experiencing this type of loss and reaction, counselling can help. Through counselling, individuals are provided with an open, non-judgemental environment that is essential to the grieving process. Education on supportive avenues to process their grief in a healthy way, such as creating rituals or writing a letter to your loved one, can be beneficial. 

Especially when you feel alone in your grief, it is important to recognize the situation and get support. All grief is valid, and each person deserves the support to process grief in their own unique way. 

—-

For more background on this research, please check out

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/377739116_Permission_to_grieve_please_Exploring_the_concept_of_disenfranchised_grief