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Counselling & Psychological Services
How Emotional Control is an Unstoppable Superpower
All emotions, even the less pleasant ones, are important and serve a purpose. For instance, if you’re feeling anxious about an upcoming test or your first day at a new job, that anxiety can motivate you to study or prepare more. While it may not feel great to experience anxiety, it can push us to be better prepared for things that matter to us. Emotional control can be a superpower for you in your life!
Often, when we face unpleasant or overwhelming emotions, we try to push them away. The tricky part is that the harder we try to suppress our feelings, the louder they can become. Imagine trying to push a beach ball under the ocean; every time you force it down, it pops back up. However, if we simply let the beach ball float on the water, it may bother us for a moment, but eventually, it will drift away. This analogy illustrates what happens when we try to avoid our emotions. When we force them down, they keep resurfacing, but when we allow them to be, they eventually subside.
Experiencing emotions, even the unpleasant ones like anxiety, is a normal part of being human. The challenge arises when these emotions become too overwhelming and start to interfere with our daily functioning. Emotional regulation is a crucial skill; when we struggle to manage our emotions, we might say or do things we regret, experience lower well-being, or find our relationships suffering as a result.
Strategies to Regulate Our Emotions
There are several strategies we can use to help regulate our emotions. One effective technique developed by Dr. Daniel Siegel is called “name it to tame it.” This approach involves simply noticing and labeling the emotions we’re experiencing. By naming our feelings, we engage our prefrontal cortex—the part of our brain responsible for reasoning, problem-solving, and impulse control—which helps calm our minds and bodies. For example, if I were feeling anxious about a test, I might say to myself, “I am feeling anxious about my upcoming test.” By naming the emotion, I can start to regulate my anxiety and figure out my next steps.
Self-Compassion
Practicing self-compassion is another powerful way to improve emotional regulation. Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation. It involves acknowledging your feelings without judgment, recognizing that everyone struggles at times, and being gentle with yourself. When you’re facing overwhelming emotions, try asking yourself what you would say to a friend who is feeling the same way.
Learning to manage our emotions can be challenging, but it’s a valuable skill. Connecting with a therapist can be an excellent option for those looking to better understand their emotional responses and enhance their emotional regulation skills. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and taking steps to improve your emotional control can truly feel like a superpower.
An insight from Julia Slaunwhite, Crossroads Practicum Student.
Julia Slaunwhite has joined Crossroads initially as a therapist practicum student finishing the Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology degree at Yorkville University. Following the completion of her student work term and January 2025 graduation, she is expected to join the team as an associate. Contact Crossroads to book a therapy session with Julia or any of our therapeutic staff.
Did you know that our hourly rate for sessions with Crossroads Practicum Students is $25? Book today!
Embrace Intimacy: The Transformative Impact of Emotionally Focused Therapy on Your Love Life
When we look at relationships through the lens of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we see that many conflicts between couples stem from deeper emotional needs related to attachment. Think about your own relationship: each of us brings a unique blend of emotional experiences shaped by our backgrounds, childhoods, and past relationships. These experiences influence how we connect with our partners. When our emotional needs go unmet, it can leave us feeling ignored, invalidated, or insecure. This unmet yearning can trigger stronger emotional reactions than we might expect, setting the stage for conflict. Instead of drawing us closer, these disagreements often amplify feelings of vulnerability and isolation.
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a therapeutic approach designed to help couples and individuals strengthen their emotional bonds and improve their relationships. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s, EFT is based on the premise that strong emotional connections are essential for healthy relationships. EFT has been shown to be effective in various relationship contexts, including those dealing with issues like infidelity, parenting challenges, and emotional distance. It provides a structured framework for couples to reconnect and build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
In EFT, we describe these recurring arguments and misunderstandings as a couple’s “cycle.” Picture it as an infinity loop—endless and intertwined—where your actions, emotions, and thoughts continuously influence each other. It can feel like a complex dance that quickly becomes chaotic. This cycle can be painful and confusing, leaving both partners feeling trapped in a spiral of frustration and hurt. It’s common to feel hopeless in these moments, as if meaningful change is just out of reach.
How Does EFT Couples Therapy Help?
That’s where EFT couples therapy can make a difference. It provides a warm and supportive space for you and your partner to explore your unique cycle together. In this safe environment, you can uncover what’s truly happening beneath the surface of your relationship and gain a deeper understanding of each other. Through this journey, you can learn how to break free from unhealthy patterns and begin building a more connected and fulfilling relationship.
Many people think of couples therapy as a resource only in times of crisis, but it doesn’t have to be that way. EFT couples therapy can serve as a preventative measure, helping you examine and understand the dynamics of your relationship—even if things feel pretty good. Every relationship, no matter how happy, has cycles worth exploring, and this work can lead to even greater intimacy and connection.
To explore how EFT might be a helpful approach to explore your relationship, please contact Crossroads.
An insight from Crossroads Associate, Liza Leblanc.
Liza Leblanc, MSW, is a Social Worker Candidate with experience managing change through a trauma-informed framework for her clients. Her experience includes providing counselling to children, adolescents, and adults with a particular focus on working with couples and families.
Child & Adolescent Assessments
Several of Crossroads Associates bring a therapeutic focus on child and adolescent counselling. As part of that new focus, Crossroads is now accepting waitlist applications for ADHD and Psychoeducational Assessments.
Find out more –
Grief and Loss: A Person-Centred Path to Healing
An insight from Crossroads Associate, Mark Ramsay, M.Sc.
Talking about grief and loss can be incredibly challenging. These experiences often involve deeply personal and vulnerable emotions that are hard to express. The intensity of grief can make it difficult to find the right words, and many people worry about burdening others with their pain. There’s also the fear of being judged or misunderstood, with concerns that their response to loss might be seen as excessive or inappropriate.
Grief and loss are universal experiences, affecting us all at some point. They can overwhelm us, leaving us in a whirlwind of emotions or feeling completely numb. A person-centred approach to understanding and coping with these feelings offers valuable insights. This approach creates a safe, focused space for individuals to openly explore their emotions. It’s crucial to address and differentiate other emotional states, like lingering resentments or guilt, from the grief itself. The goal is to fully experience and process these emotions rather than avoid or suppress them.
A key aspect of this approach is the belief that everyone has the capacity to heal. When dealing with loss, it’s common to feel engulfed by despair, confusion, guilt, sadness, or anger. Therapists who offer genuine empathy and support can help individuals tap into their own resources to process these difficult emotions. Feeling truly heard and understood encourages people to open up and work through their grief.
Importantly, this approach empowers individuals to take control of their own grief. Grief isn’t a straightforward path; it’s often messy, tangled, and unpredictable. Each person’s experience is unique, and that’s perfectly okay. By respecting each individual’s timeline and honouring their personal journey, therapists can help those grieving find a greater sense of control in their healing process. This approach fosters emotional growth and deeper self-understanding. Ultimately, while grief is profoundly painful, it can also be a transformative experience leading to healing and self-discovery.
Mark Ramsay, M.Sc., is a is a Registered Counselling Therapist – Candidate (RCT-C) with Crossroads. Mark’s therapeutic focus includes providing counselling/psychotherapy to different client populations and age groups including children, adolescents, and adults, particularly those working through palliative care / grief issues including using a person-centred approach to therapy. To book a session with Mark, please contact us.
Social Worker Candidate, Liza Leblanc, MSW, joins the Crossroads team.
Please join us in welcoming Liza Leblanc, MSW, to the Crossroads team! Liza is a Social Worker Candidate with experience managing change through a trauma-informed framework for her clients. Her experience includes providing counselling to children, adolescents, and adults with a particular focus on working with couples and families.
We have received lots of feedback from people wanting to work with a social worker regarding family counselling.
With an Honors degree in Psychology from Saint Mary’s University and a Master’s degree in Social Work from the University of Edinburgh, Liza’s international experience has allowed her to work with individual’s experiencing a variety of challenges including trauma, anxiety, relationship/family difficulties, substance misuse, addiction, and homelessness. Through these experiences, she has developed a passion for working with clients in a relational and positive manner to help them navigate life’s challenges. Liza also holds a certificate in Applied Suicide intervention Skills Training.
To find out more about Liza Leblanc, please check out her profile.
Contact us today to book an appointment with Liza.
How to Prepare for a School Advocacy Meeting
A guest insight from Crossroads Associate Therapist, Kirsten Spasyouti.
Though it may seem like an out of the blue question, for families with a child who is neurodiverse, preparation and intentionality are important for the child’s wellbeing. In Part 1 of this 2 part series, we explored the question of how to be an effective advocate for your child who is neurodiverse (differences in functioning including autism (ASD) and attention deficit or hyperactivity (ADHD). In this, part 2, we explore how you and your child prepare for a school advocacy meeting.
Sometimes it is necessary for you as the parent or guardian to speak directly to educational staff on your child’s behalf. You, as the advocate, need to ensure that your child’s unique perspective and needs are considered and educational objectives are being enabled. Here are 6 key principles to ensure you are advocating effectively at a school advocacy meeting:
- Understand the Advocate’s Role. Go in to the school advocacy meeting with the understanding of what it means to be an advocate. Advocating for yourself or for your child does not always mean knowing all the information. It means speaking up about your concerns, or expressing what you feel will be helpful supports to have in place for the upcoming school year.
- Understand that your feelings are valid. As a caregiver you want what’s best for your child, but that does not mean that it is always easy to ask for it. For some caregivers, having the understanding that your child may need additional support can be upsetting, and that is OK. Having a child with different abilities or needs is not always easy, and needing to be their voice is not always easy, either. From
your child’s point of view, it can be hard to ask for help sometimes, too. Helping them to understand that it’s OK to ask for help, and that everyone learns differently is a great tool to support them now and in the future. - Write down your thoughts in advance on what you would like to discuss in the school advocacy meeting. Meetings can sometimes feel overwhelming with a lot of information being shared and a lot of jargon being used. This can increase the chances of forgetting important points you wanted to make or losing your train of thought. By having your main talking points documented it can help to keep the meeting on track and ensure you’ve both said what you needed to say.
- Organize your thoughts and objectives. Consider organizing your thoughts, concerns and requests into appropriate categories. Some examples may be academics, socialization, communication, and behavior. The categories may be different child to child, or even year to year. Organizing yourself in this way can help to maintain focus in the meeting, rather than jumping between different support needs and potentially losing track of all key points that need to be made.
- Assume the best of everyone involved. Understand that all those in attendance are most likely there with the child’s best interest in mind. This can help to approach the conversation less guarded and more open to teamwork and back-and-forth communication.
- Ask your child what they would like their teachers and other staff to know. Let your child know that they will have the opportunity to speak for themselves, but if they change their mind about doing so, then you can provide the information for them. Either way, their opinions, wants and needs are being expressed from their point of view.
You may wonder, how do I ensure that support is being implemented? Check in often with your child and your child’s school. Does your child feel well- supported in the classroom? Are they noticing anything that feels tough? Are they noticing positive changes? With the passage of time, more information and students to juggle, or even new teachers and staff entering the space, things may get lost in translation. It could be helpful to set the next “check in” at each meeting you have with your child’s teacher or school. It can also be helpful to have any support requests in written format to ensure all in involved have the same understanding of what is needed and a place to refer back to. By having frequent check-ins with all those involved you can work as a team to increase the chances of a successful school year!
Kirsten Spasyouti is a Registered Counselling Therapy – Candidate offering therapy for children, adolescents and adults ages 5 and older. Kirsten specializes in supporting individuals and their families who identify as being neurodiverse with a particular focus in autism and ADHD. Contact us to book a session with Kirsten.
How to Approach a New School Year if Your Child Faces Unique Challenges
A guest insight from Crossroads Associate Therapist, Kirsten Spasyouti, M.A.
It’s that time again: the beginning of a new school year! For some families, this may be a very exciting time filled with shopping for the best backpack and the 64-pack of crayons (with the sharpener, of course!).
Yet, for some families, “back to school” can mean something very different. Not all children approach the new school year and the new classroom with confidence. Some children, particularly those with neurodiversity (differences in functioning including autism (ASD) and attention deficit or hyperactivity (ADHD)), face challenges in the classroom; not all of which can be navigated alone. Sometimes those challenges require family members to advocate for the child. Stepping into that role with confidence is a challenge for many families. Advocating for your neurodiverse child is important for their wellbeing.
If you are in this situation, while it can feel isolating, please know that you are not the only family experiencing this and know that you are not alone and not without support. Many schools are prepared to provide additional support where needed. Yet, anticipating these challenges can bring additional stressors for families – preparing themselves to be the voice of advocacy for their child, expecting more meetings and appointments added to the calendar, and exerting more time and effort in letting their child’s school know what is needed to increase the chances of academic and social success, as well as mental well-being.
As you consider if, when and how questions regarding your involvement in advocating for your neurodiverse child, please consider the following questions.
How do I know that I am the best person to advocate for my child?
Caregivers are quite possibly one of the best, if not the best, advocates for their child’s well-being. Other than the child themself, you know and love them best. You and your child know their strengths, their needs and their interests in a way that no one else will. Being the keeper of this information, being the individual who knows your child the way that you do, can feel like a gift. And at the same time, needing to be that voice can also feel like a huge responsibility. Feel confident in the fact that you have spent your child’s whole life getting to know them and that you can help others see them in the same way that you do.
How can I support my child in being able to advocate for themselves?
Your child, no matter their age, should be involved in making decisions related to their schooling and their well-being, where possible. Your child will benefit greatly from being able to advocate for themselves now and in the future, in both school and workplace settings alike. You can start building self-advocacy skills right at home by preparing yourself in the following 4 ways:
- Ask your child questions about themselves. When you think about being in school, what do you find helpful? What do you find not helpful? What are the things you feel good at? Where do you think you have room to grow? What do you enjoy about school? What is not so fun for you? What subjects do you wish you had every day? What about the subjects you’d only want to have once per week? This information can help guide you and your child about what to ask for.
- Create a warm, nonjudgmental space for your children to communicate with you. If they can talk about the things that they like and don’t like, both at home and at school, with you without feeling like they’re upsetting anyone this increases their confidence in being able to express their needs and wants to others.
- Consider the way in which you speak about and acknowledge support needs at school and home. If your child hears these things being discussed in a way that suggests having needs is a bad thing, or that the school is not supportive, it can create negative associations for them. If your child’s support needs are being met with open arms and spoken about in a more positive light at home, they are more likely to feel confident in asking for a receiving such help at school.
- Find opportunities for your child to speak up. During meetings with others, such as school personnel, you can provide opportunities for your child to speak up. If they take the opportunity, great! If they don’t, you’ve still shown them that their voice matters and wants to be heard by others. This may increase the chances of them speaking up the next time!
Ensuring that your child knows that they are loved and supported as a valued and capable person is critical to their success in life. You can start on this path by being prepared and intentional.
Kirsten Spasyouti is a Registered Counselling Therapist – Candidate offering therapy for children, adolescents and adults ages 5 and older. Kirsten specializes in supporting individuals and their families who identify as being neurodiverse with a particular focus in autism and ADHD.
3 Ways to Help Your Child Thrive in Going Back to School
Back to school tips – A guest insight from Crossroads Associate Psychologist Sophia Fajnerova.
Anyone with children knows that the end of summer can bring about many big emotions. For some children, there is much excitement over meeting new teachers and friends. For others, however, there can be more sadness or worry about the upcoming year. Regardless of whether the feelings are more positive or negative, back-to-school can be stressful for many children and families. Here are some tips and tricks to help you navigate this time more easily.
- Reset sleep schedule. During the summer break, children’s schedules tend to be a bit more relaxed, with later bedtimes and more frequent sleeping in. To ease the transition, back to a school schedule, consider slowly shifting your child’s bedtime and wake up time by 5-10 minutes daily, starting a week or two before school begins, until you get them back on a healthy sleep routine.
- Set up routines. Sit down with your child and establish what their daily routine will look like on a school day. What will they need to do to get ready in the mornings? Who is dropping them off and picking them up after school? What responsibilities will they have after school? Having well established and clear routines can create a sense of calm and help guide positive behavior.
a. A checklist can help keep children on track as they move through their daily routine. Add the things you would like your child to complete, such as making their bed or brushing their teeth, to give a visual reminder.
b. The best way to gain mastery over any skill is through practice. Consider role playing new routines with your child in advance of the first day of school. This allows them to try things out, ask questions and iron out any problems that may arise in advance.
c. Even with the best preparation, the first few school mornings can be difficult. Allow extra time during those first few mornings to ensure that your child has enough time to get up, get dressed, eat, and leave the house without unnecessary rush. Picking out clothes to wear and packing their backpack the night before are both good time savers and can make for a more relaxed morning. - Plan a reward. Because the back-to-school transition can be challenging, think about setting up something for your child to look forward to after school. Whether it be their favorite snack, an activity they enjoy, or simply some extra time with you, this type of a “reward” can help them manage their emotions throughout the school day. Enjoy the last few weeks of summer and have a great start to the new school year.
Implement these back to school tips to help your children with their (and your) back to school transition.
Sophia Fajnerova, Crossroads Associate, is a registered psychologist. She specializing in children, adolescents & adults including psychoeducational assessments. Please contact us to set up an appointment with Sophia or any of Crossroads therapists.
Welcome to our newest Associate Psychologist, Jennifer Bernier
The Crossroads team is very pleased to welcome Jennifer Bernier. Jennifer is a Psychologist, Candidate Register with an extensive academic background including a Master of Science in Clinical Psychology degree from Acadia University. She brings a focus on children, adolescents and families. As well, she does psychoeducational assessments.
Jennifer adds to our growing group of therapists who bring focus to the area of child therapy.
Jennifer has joined the team and is currently accepting new clients.
To find out more about Jennifer’s training, publications, presentations and approach to mental health care please view her profile page.
Contact us today to book a counselling appointment or psychoeducational assessment with Jennifer Bernier.
Back to School – Changes, Anxieties and helpful tools
Transcript:
Hello and welcome back to the Crossroads page. My name is Rebecca and today I’m going to be talking a little bit about back to school. As many of you know children face a lot of changes going back to school, new teachers, new classrooms, new environments; it can be very overwhelming for kids, especially younger ones but also adolescents as well. With these changes, we can offer support in things such as emotional regulation, breathing, mindfulness, good social interaction skills.
Such skills are common in our DBT teachings such as Dialectical Behavioural Therapies, tenants of mindfulness and interpersonal effectiveness. Interpersonal effectiveness is a very helpful tool for kids to use when they are in social situations that they might find complex or difficult to understand. Interpersonal effectiveness which, in layman’s terms, is the ease of social interaction and proper social interaction can be good for kids to express their feelings and figure out new challenges and situations or environments that may be unfamiliar to them.
Skills such as emotional regulation can complement interpersonal effectiveness so that when children begin to feel overwhelmed or that things may be spiralling a little out of control they can take a step back, recognize their emotions when they come up and use the skills that they have found personally work for them to come down from that place and reestablish a successful connection.
At Crossroads we offer many of these skills, teachings, and support. If you think that your child could use some support going back to school or with some of the new changes in their life, please consider giving us a call. We may be able to support them with some of these practices. Take care.
Contact us to book an appointment with Rebecca or another child therapy focused Registered Therapist or Psychologist.